Dealing with the Emotions.
Continuing from Part One, I’m exploring the themes of unemployment, firstly facing up to the realities and now dealing with the emotions.
Obviously I associate a lot of negative feelings with being unemployed, as anyone would, but I also have negative feelings towards working too. There is a huge necessity for me to work, both financial and personal reasons, and there are equally appealing reasons not to work. Add to the mix that I unfortunately have a tendency to put both necessary and unnecessary pressures on myself. So basically I’m just a ticking time bomb of emotional contradictions waiting to blow AND every day I’m unemployed is a day closer to KABOOMiness! Got to love the drama.
Let’s dissect. Guilt is definitely way up there on the emotional chart. Guilt that I’m not working, not earning, not contributing. I also feel guilty that I have yet to get a job, seriously, shouldn’t this problem have been solved months ago?! I mean enough already! Along with the guilt there is the fear right alongside, skipping hand in hand, and singing tra la la, cos you know fear and guilt just get off on me being jobless. What do I have to fear? Well lots of things! So don’t try logic me out of this! There’s the fear of rejection, which I’m slowly numbing to, as the endless stream of job rejections flow. There’s also the fear of succeeding, what if I get a job? What if I can’t handle it? What if I fail?
They’re the biggies, but there’s also the emotional exhaustion of being trapped into applying for job after job feeling as though you’re getting nowhere, but basically having no other option but to continue waiting (and often waiting for a job you don’t really want in the first place!). I frequently describe job hunting as soul sucking for that reason. So why not just add some anxiety to the mix with all that stress from not only the external pressures, but also the internal ones
I’m not so self involved to not realise that these are pretty common feelings that are the peas to the unemployment pod. We know everyone goes through them, but there isn’t much more to say other than ‘something will come up soon’, ‘just have to stay positive’, ‘keep at it, keep trying’. Me being the very emotionally in tune person I am, I tend to amplify my feelings good or bad, which means when they get out of control, well that amplification tends to get a little messy. Even though I can understand, doesn’t mean that emotional barrier isn’t a hell of a wall to climb.
So to address the title statement ‘DEALING with the emotions’, I deal by indulging these emotions a little, they just gotta be felt. But I also talk, and write out (exhibit A) my thoughts and I keep on trying and I keep on waiting.
How do you deal?